I knew I could not be happy unless she was happy. And if hurting her, and punishing her, and degrading her made her happy, then that was a bonus, because it excited the hell out of me. But that was behind closed doors. Outside, in the world, I promised myself I would be her shield.I had never wanted to be a white knight before. It had never appealed to me. Now it did.She must have felt that I was looking at her, for she opened her eyes, then smiled.“Good morning. You look beautiful,” I said.Her smile broadened. “Good morning. You make me feel beautiful.”I leaned down to kiss her briefly and gently. “Are you OK? I was worried all night that I had gone too far. Turn on your front – please.”She paused, then turned on her front while I lifted the sheet and examined the angry red marks. “Jesus! I’m sorry, Marta…”She put her finger up to my lips. “I’m not. Sir, I don’t think you quite understand. I want this. I need this. The part of me that feels unworthy, wrong, sinful, damned needs to be. You know how I am sometimes."Knowing he is NOT that way at all around me I just nodded, pretending he was always that way.It seemed like the darkness outside lasted forever. It was only 10:30 as I wrestled with the many raging thoughts that made me frustrated about my choices and also gave me a raging blood-engorged penis.I was downstairs in the living room. I wish he would give me another chance, I thought. He had to. Why didn't I just find out what he wanted to do? What if he just wanted to hang out? Nah. He probably wanted me to jerk him off which was actually a dream of mine! Ooh. Would have liked to feel his prick slide up and down and slip in and out of my fingers, making sure I got my thumb to bump his frenulum every time (I heard that other men find it is such a sensitive area. He would have probably lost his ooze after a minute flat!)I heard then he was calling his so-called "girl" again. His wife. It sounded like she was really going to be gone this time for good. He almost.
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